🤐 Social Interaction: Optional, Like Salad Dressing
In Sweden, silence is not awkward. It’s sacred.
Small talk? Only at gunpoint.
Your neighbor may live ten feet away but you’ll only meet him in 2037, and even then it’ll be a polite nod. Maybe.
☕ Fika: Coffee With Existential Pause
Fika is more than a coffee break — it’s a state of being. It involves sitting down with coffee and a pastry, usually a cinnamon bun, and pretending you’re not in a capitalist system for 15 minutes.
Talk? Optional. Chewing? Mandatory.
🧊 Weather: A National Personality
In Sweden, summer lasts one week and everyone is shirtless.
The rest of the year is grey, rainy, and punctuated by polite suffering.
Don’t ask “how’s the weather?” You’ll just get a sigh and a long stare toward the sky.
🚶 Lines: The Backbone of Civilization
Swedes don’t just stand in line. They become the line.
It’s a peaceful, meditative act.
Trying to skip ahead may result in a firm “nej” and social exile.
🛋️ IKEA: The Swedish Rite of Passage
You haven’t truly experienced Sweden until you’ve cried assembling a “KLÖNF” with an Allen key.
Bonus points if you buy candles you don’t need, a blanket you won’t use, and eat meatballs even though you’re not hungry.
IKEA is not just a store. It’s group therapy.
🧼 Sauna Etiquette: Naked, Silent, Serious
Don’t talk. Don’t stare. Don’t wear clothes.
Just sit, sweat, and pretend you’re not thinking about your taxes or the person next to you.
If you must speak, whisper about the weather. Then go back to sweating.
🧭 Quick Tips to Blend In:
- Avoid strong opinions. Preferably, avoid opinions.
- Wear black, grey, or beige. Fluorescent colors = emotional instability.
- If invited somewhere, say “maybe” and show up 3 days later with flowers.
- Always recycle. Including your feelings.
